I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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