i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
