You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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