btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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