you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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