Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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