If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
