Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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