So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
