I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
