If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
