still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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