last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
