Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
