i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
