I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
