Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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