i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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