dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
