Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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