They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
