Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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