i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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