Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
