Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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