Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
