Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
