His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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