okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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