I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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