I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
