one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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