did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
