Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
