The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think I sprained my soul last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
