Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
