The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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