drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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