If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
