don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
