We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
