plz talk dirty to me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
