Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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