Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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