So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The air was thick with penises
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
True strength comes from lack of pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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