Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
