i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
