if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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