I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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