just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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