I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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