Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
