Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
