my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
